Saturday, March 22, 2008

The King


i grew up in the church. always went every sunday, every wednesday, went to all the classes, had friends from church, even did did stuff on sunday nights for church. so ive never known anything else but church church church. it wasnt like i had jesus shoved down my throat, it was just somthing i always did, but didnt think about. then i got older. years passed and i started to think more about what i was really doing with my time. church basically seemed, at the time, like a big waste of my precious time. i never really dug into god and realized to true extent of who he was and what he could do for me and how important he was. but there was no way i could just stop going because i was forced to go. it was somthing everyone in my family always did. so i began to see god as a waste of my precious time. like i was too important for god. then i moved into seventh grade, and up to my church's youth group. i loved the youth group, and started learning the true god not just the bible stories. then i couldnt get enough of him. i listened and obeyed him. i wanted to learn everything i could. then my sister stopped going on wednesdays. but i kept on, progressing every step toward god. but out of nowhere i stopped going. i dont know why i just... stopped. i guess i got lazy. it wasnt that i didnt like god it was just like i was too busy for him with music and social events and... life. it got worse. i started changing forgetting god and everything i lerned. even when i didnt like church i didnt act like this. i thought i was too cool for god. too cool for all the people who still listened to him. thought they were missing out. i was lost in the world. lusting, lying, hating, gossiping. everything that i was taught against i started doing. i still would go to church on sundays, but it didnt matter i didnt listen to anything the preacher said. and if anyone asked if i was okay spiritually i would lie and say i was fine. i wasnt fine. i was dying inside to scream out and brake down but... i... i just couldnt. it was like there was a solid brick wall in between me and god. controlling my every move. i never broke down and cried. never admitted all of my sins to the youth group. and i dont really like to talk about how i came back to god. its just a thing that stays with me and him. there wasnt any miricle any super moment where i broke down and admitted everything. just a time where i decided enough was enough. i started going to church again. started listening. but i still felt nothing. it stayed like this for a long time, like nothing was in my head everthing i heard was in and out. but then i went to a camp. and it changed my life. next thing i knew i was listening again. but everything i heard was different. i saw things from a different perspective. mabe it was that i grew up more. mabe it was beacuse of what happend in my past. to this day i cant tell you why but everything i learned about god was different. all the bible stories. all the lessons. even who god was. i was finally comprehending everything. it was like i was hearing it for the first time. a new page in my life was and is still being turned. i think the interesting part about all this is still to come. im sorry i cant finish this story of my life. mabe someday ill be able to. hope you are interested. cuz i am.

4 comments:

~Silver Lining~ said...

Thanks so much for your honesty. God will do great things w/ that! The fact that you realized you were missing something & looked until you found it shows how much God meant to you then & how much He must mean to you now. I'm glad you're back in the Family & a part of this group!

Cindy Yeats said...

Matthew,
Thank-you for being transparent. So many feel that emptiness without knowing or accepting the need to filol that longing with the Lord. You show your boldness in allowing the world to see your heart and struggles and will guide others to the foot of the throne.
I was in tears. You are precious.
I love you. Cindy Yeats

*Porcelain Heart* said...

wow! Thank you so much for your honesty. I was in tears. I'm so glad that you've learned, even if it was the hard way, because God can really use that. To many times people try and hide what God's put inside of them. I thank you for bursting out and simply laying it out like it is. I'm glad you're back,that you are part of this family, and that you are continuing to strengthen and grow into God and his kingdom. God has great plans for your life and I can't wait to see what they are and how he chooses to use you. ~God can do great things through his people, we've just got to let him.~ I love you bro. Keep pressing on and continue to let God take control. Depend on him and you can't go wrong.

Beastlyone said...

As you express your heart to us and God, my prayer is that the newness of your convictions deepen into a constant focus for your life. You have been gifted in expressing yourself and in leadership. Under God's guidance, with you being totally dependent on Him, He will lead you to have great impact on His Kingdom and on this world. As Jesus leads you, you will lead many to Him. Be strong and courageous and don't allow any fear to rule you. You are more than a conqueror through His love for you.