Friday, March 21, 2008
I've realized that what I want most in this world is to die. Now, you may think that this is a horribly morbid & depressing statement, but it is true. There is nothing in this world that would give me more pleasure than my death. I have a great life on Earth, mind you, but I want to go to Heaven and live in Peace & Perfection. However, it is not my job to choose when I die - it is His. It is my job to decide what to do with my life while I'm still living. In The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Gandalf tells Frodo, "... but that [ways of life] is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
This is why we have to be totally dependent on God. He is the only One who knows how long I will be on this earth, therefore, there is no one better than Him to guide me in my life. For He knows what His plans are for me, what needs to be done, and how long I have to do it. I want my life to be what it was meant to be so I depend on the One who made it.
. . . (for lack of a better transition!) I am so sick of pretending that other things are more important than my Savior. There is NOTHING in this life that I care more about, that I find more important, or that affects my life more than my relationship with Jesus. All of the things which seem so important to be right now are so not important in the long run. I think about these things and they are not going to matter come Jesus and Eternity! My relationship with Him will matter when I face Endless Love or Endless Despair. WHY would I sacrifice what will make or break me (in a spiritual sense) in Eternity for what makes me feel happy and good in the momentary, sinful world?!?
His promise is claimed - all I have to do is ask and I will receive the secret to living in life joyfully and successfully as well as having the Eternity I long for. With Jesus, I don't need these things to be happy, fulfilled, etc. He is the Reason that I live and I will live with Him forever. What I am realizing and trying to communicate is that I don't have to sacrifice my happiness on Earth to receive Eternal Riches. In fact, He tells us quite the opposite. If we are living for Him and in Him, we will be happy!
My heart hurts when I think about all the time I have spent thinking that these things really matter. They so don't! And if my mind, heart, and soul are depending totally on Him, I will realize this. No matter what I've gone through in life, no matter what others think of me, I will have to face Him one day. At that moment, it will not matter what others think, or what I wore, or what I owned, etc. So why bother with them now? My time could much better be spent getting ready for Eternal Life and helping others do the same. There is a part of a Point of Grace song that says it doesn't matter "...who you knew or what you did. It's how you lived."
"Do not sacrifice what you want most for what you want at this moment." I want God & His Kingdom most. I need to cling to Him so that I will not fall into the temptation to sacrifice Him for worldly things.
God, please guide me as I walk through this life. Provide your timing and your plans so that my life is what You meant it to be. You and Your will are the only things that really matter. I want to stop caring about these things that don't matter. You are all that will matter on Judgement Day and You should be all that matters now. Please help me as I put aside myself and my worldly thoughts. I ask your forgiveness in advance for not being able to do this faithfully. I will stumble and I ask you to catch me. Be everything to me. Be my purpose, my happiness, my drive, my sheer delight! May You be the things to me that I need as I throw away those which I don't. You are the All-Important in my life. Thank you for being dependable now and always.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" - 1 John 3:1
P.S. This is my last post. Thank you all for reading and for your encouraging comments. May God bless us all as we become totally dependent on Him.