Monday, March 10, 2008


This week end has been quite a test for my dependence on God. I found out late last week that the plans we had for our travel to Leon, Mexico had fallen through. This left our group with only one option. Flying...

You may know that airline tickets don't come cheap, in fact when I first looked at tickets in Nov. they were around $500 a piece. I work really hard to keep our mission trips as affordable as possible, so I was concerned about tickets that were too expensive. So I began to search for cheap tickets that could get our whole group down there and back at a fair rate.
I was excited to find some really cheap tickets through an online company. "Triumph" I thought. I started calling all of the people who had signed up for the trip to make sure they were on board for the price of the tickets. Everyone was in! It seemed as though things would work out just great. Then I made some phone calls and found out that I had to wait until today, Monday. Would the tickets still be there? Would the tickets still be a good price? Here is where I started to stress. Where was the prayer? That's a good question. For some reason I forgot.

Monday came and I was really becoming agitated about waiting (where was my peace in knowing God would handle it). I made a couple of phone calls and finally I was ready to buy the tickets. But wait, my credit card didn't seem to be working! I became more agitated. So I began the process to make sure I can buy the tickets with the card. The card is fine but now the website won't allow me to make the purchase. My anger began to flourish.

Where was my breath prayer to remind me that my life is to be pleasing in the site of my Rock and Redeemer? Forgotten, lost in the stress of the moment.

So, I had to call costumer service. It was me talking with a person on the other end whom I didn't know. Trying to explain my situation, giving and re giving my information, spelling out the names of the people in my group 2 or 3 times, and haggling over price. 45 minutes later we finally had our plane tickets, and I became aware of my fowl mood. What had happened to me? why on earth didn't I depend on God to take care of it? Why was I so stressed about making sure everything went as I had planned?

It's so much more, so much more than praying every day or writing in a journal. It's so much more than asking yourself many times a day how you can depend on Him. It's more than praying a prayer during every transition. It's even more than actually making choices to depend on Him. It's surrendering self to be made and shaped into something he can use. I forgot my prayers and my dependence on Him in this situation because I had forgotten that it's about more than just doing these things. It's about becoming these things. It's not about doing, it's about being.

May we make the choice not to do Christian things but to be Christ-ian.

Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of my salvation and grant a willing spirit to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Psalm 51:11-13


~silver lining~ said...

I greatly admire your honesty! Thank you for realizing your mistakes & letting Him forgive you. Your humility is a quality which sets a great example. May God help us all as we try to be Christ-ian.

*Porcelain Heart* said...

Thanks for being so brutally honest. It really opened my eyes to see that I've been doing the same thing. I don't know why so many times I resist and hold back myself from being utterly dependent on our God, but what you've said makes sense. I forget what this is all about. It's not about me or the things I do. It's about Christ and being his people. Thanks for sharing. May God continue to open our eyes and help us as we struggle to be Christ-ian.