Tuesday, March 25, 2008

*Porcelain Heart*

"Isn't it funny how day-by-day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." ~Anonymous~

Through out my life and even just through this experiment I've been through and experienced a lot. I just found the above quote and thought it was appropriate. It may not be dead on, but it pretty well describes for me at least, the way this experiment revealed things to me and the way I generally see things. At one point if you were to ask me if and how the experiment changed my life I would have had a hard time answering you with confidence, because it was hard to see the small and subtle changes that were taking place. I wasn't looking through God's eyes. But now that I look back on it I can honestly say that it has begun to change my life, even if the changes are slight.

This experiment really opened my eyes, in many ways, but especially to the truth that God is always at work even in the small seemingly insignificant things. No matter what I do, he'll be at work and I can't stop that. All I can do is hinder him from working in/through me. I don't want to get in the way. With all of my heart I wish to continue to, with His help, overcome this foolishness that I can find myself in and wish to completely set aside myself, and instead depend on God. It really is the least I can do for all that he's done for me. After all, he has set me aside as his Child...I am a child of the most high God. 'Child of God' and 'Christian' are more than just titles though. They are a way of life-who we are and who we become- and in that we have choices. Now we obviously aren't always going to make the right ones. In fact, on the contrary, quite the opposite. However, no matter the mistakes we make in life I know for a fact that so long as we continue to choose Christ, He won't let us fall.

Something else that this experience has brought to the forefront of my mind has been that the relationship I have with my Abba is not just for my benefit and it doesn't only affect me. I've been guilty of living my life in sections. I had a school section and a Church section. My spiritual life wasn't a constant normal in my life like it should be. Even now it's hard to make it so with all the pressures of the world, but I can just as easily resist those pressures with God's help and add a little of God's 'push' by the way I live. Am I living like a Christ-ian? If I am, and even if I'm not, I affect people around me in someway. I just have the choice to whether the impressions I leave are going to be positive or negative on my end and in that whether I'm going to let God govern my thoughts and my actions. I understand that It's hard and that many times I'll be called to be a fool for Christ, but so long as I'm listening to the voice of truth and living out what it calls me to do I trust that I have nothing to fear, for He knows best and knows what he's talking about no matter how crazy or difficult the request may seem at the time.

I know I'm going to miss this experiment, but its end is really the beginning. It's a challenge to see if the experiment served its purpose. Will I continue to grow in my dependence on God? Will it become apart of who I am and the way I live my every day life? And, if nothing else, It's a realization of how much I depend on God, of how much I need him. With that realization comes the beginning of an opportunity to grow closer to Christ and to continue to depend more on him rather than the temporary things-including myself apart from him.

Abba Father, I thank you so much for the opportunity that this totally dependent mindset experiment gave me and my fellow brothers and sisters. I pray that even though the experiment has drawn to a final close, that its impact will not be forgotten and that we'll let it be a reminder of how much we need you. Let this be the beginning of an opportunity to grow closer to you and to continue to learn how to totally depend on you. We need you Lord, in all we do, for apart from you we can do nothing. I love you. With all my heart, your daughter

Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

1 comment:

~Silver Lining~ said...

I am with you all the way. May we all continue in our dependence on Him as this experiment becomes life.