Trinity

These past couple of weeks I have been really busy, mostly with school projects. I'm sorry I didn't post anything last week. Half the reason why I didn't post last week was because of those projects. The other reason is that I felt like I didn't have anything special to say. I'm still not sure exactly what I have to say. But I do know that this experiment is changing me for the better.
I am now really realizing what a big role prayer should play in our lives. I still don't have an amazing prayer life, but with the help of this experiment it's making it a lot stronger. Now my prayers seem more like conversations between me and God, and I like it that way. It seems more real. I have been trying to think of other things that I can do throughout my day to keep my mind on Him other then praying. So in between classes at school I have tried to start singing songs about Him in my head. It keeps me focused on the important things, and it just seems to make me feel better.

The Goater

Well, I’m not really sure what to write about, except that right now I’m typing this on Word Processor, because I’m not sure how to do it the right way.
I guess the first thing I need to do is apologize, because this my first post; several weeks too late. As any who know me can attest to, I can be very absent minded at times. Those same people can also tell you that I am a rabid procrastinator, and that is not a good combination. And so, I have finally overcome my lazy forgetfulness, and am writing my thoughts for you to read. I apologize, and I pray both for the forgiveness of the Lord, the readers, and my fellow “experimenters.”
Now that I have begged your pardon, I will start with the real message. After I think of a good message. I suppose I could fill some space by telling you about my week. That’s what I’ll do. This week started out bad for me; or so I thought. Sunday night I attended the Memorial-Collinsville camp reunion, but, unknown to me, my Mother had already told my sister that we had to stay home that night. Needless to say, when my Father found this out he was not pleased. Upon our return home from the reunion (which in itself held some major disappointments, which I won’t detail here), my Dad informed my siblings and I that he would not be taking us anywhere for a month. And so, faced with the prospect of being homebound for four weekends, I went to bed in a less-than-chipper mood. But that’s when God does his best work: when we’ve utterly failed and run out of steam. Despondently, I set out after school Monday to find a job, so that I could afford to get a car and so free myself from sitting at home for a month (don’t get me wrong, I love my family and my home more than anything, but I like to get out sometimes). After receiving one “we’ll call you,” one “we’re not hiring,” and one “we require Sunday availability,” I stopped in Steak and Shake to apply as a last ditch effort. I was returning from the bathroom after filling out an application when God stepped in, or at least his agent, in the form of my friend Haley Zogellman. Haley was just leaving when she saw me (call that coincidence, why don’t you), and she promptly informed the manager that I should be hired immediately. Fortunately for me, Haley just so happens to be one of the first employees hired at the Owasso branch of Steak and Shake, so her word carried no small amount of weight. Minutes later, I had a job, something I’ve needed (though not particularly wanted) for far too long.
And so, that’s my story. God picked me up from my state of total letdown and within hours set me in a place I could have never reached on my own. Pretty crazy, isn’t it? Not really, that’s just how God works. Which I suppose brings me to the moral of my story: don’t worry about it, God’s got a plan, and everything’s gonna be alright. Just listen to Him and He’ll fix you up, you just have to tune out yourself first. After all, He’s a whole lot smarter than any of us. He did create the world you know, and I’m sure that took more than just a little bit of cognitive power.
So there you have it, my first post. I’m sorry for all the places that are difficult to comprehend, I tend to ramble at times.

Augustine

How's it going, brothers and sisters? This week has been going pretty well so far. It's crazy to see how God is at work in our lives. The amount blessings God lavishes (noodles) on us is also staggering, especially in the good old U.S. of A.

I was watching the news recently, and there were some budget cuts made to California School systems which eliminated many extra-curricular activities, mainly sports. Outraged students in at least two schools walked out of school in protest to the new budget cuts. "Without sports," stated one student protester, "school is nothing. You just come here and do nothing." Another student went as far to say that "(Sports) are what school is about for some people. They come to school to play." They come to school to play...

Think about that. Now, I'm not trying to condemn sports or those who participate in them in any means. I think they are a very healthy and important role in school life. That being said, does anyone else see the sheer madness of this statement? School, to these students at least, has become not about gaining an education, but rather to play sports. The primary function of the institution is no longer the leading factor in these members' desire to participate. To any rationally thinking person, this would appear to be a severe flaw in the mindset of the students; but this blog is not about school reform.

The question that I am posing to you, reader, is how much of our spiritual life is motivated by "extra-curricular" activities? What is our motive for being a part of the Church? Is it for things that are not the primary goal of the institution? I am afraid that far too often the reason for our participation is not in the fundamental base of the establishment: Christ Jesus and him crucified. We go for all the fluff; the extra; the dessert. We consume what is pleasurable rather than what provides sustenance. Again, to those who are rational, this is a severe flaw in our mindset.

Now, like I stated earlier, sports are not a bad thing. They teach many life lessons and encourage discipline and teamwork. In the same way, extra parts of our spiritual lives are very good. If they become the primary focus, though, the True Reason is lost, and therein lies the rub. I say that if these are the prime motivations, they must be cut, no matter how drastic or painful that cut may be. We must get back to the heart of our worship.

"I am the vine; you are the branches..." - John 15:5

~Silver Lining~

As you read this first paragraph, I want you to imagine. Imagine what it would be like to be showered with every good and perfect blessing from God. Imagine what living in the center of God's will, goodness, and love would look like. Really think about it - what a life that would be! Now realize that this is all possible! If we are totally dependent on God, if we give Him ourselves, we will live in the center of His abundant blessing!

Then why do we not do this? According to the way that most of us act, it would seem that we have no desire to live such a life. Why do we let things get in the way of being totally dependent on Him? What sort of things get in the way? Also, what does it mean to be Totally Dependent on God?

Many times this week, I have felt like Paul:

"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing." - Romans 7:19

As I read Romans 7:15-19, I realize (once again!) that I can do NOTHING without my God! No matter how much I want to do good and don't want to do evil, I will fail if His Spirit is not helping me! What can I do about this? The solution to this problem is simple - ask for His help! Genius idea, right?

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7

All we have to do is ask for His Spirit to guide us, and He will enthusiastically respond! God wants for us to ask Him for help. He loves to see us succeed much like a father loves to see his children succeed! This said, why don't we ask?

Some of simply don't realize that it is that easy! We think about our sins - about our inadequacy. We think that just asking seems not good enough. Others of us are scared. We feel that if we ask God to guide us, that we are giving up control of our life. No one likes feeling powerless so it is often hard to give up our "power". Whatever the reason, however, His love overcomes it! Sins? - He has forgiven them! Inadequate? - Not to Him! Scared? - He is Peace! Feel powerless? - He is a Guide with our best interests at heart! We can trust Him!

Also, what does Totally Depending on God really mean? This week, I've found that it doesn't just mean giving Him your day. It means trusting Him with your past, present, and future. That is hard for me! I have things in my past that hurt - I like things the way they are right now - I have plans for my own future. However, I want to live in the center of His will and love. Therefore, I have to depend on Him to trust that He knew what He was doing in the past, trust that He still knows what He is doing with me today, and trust that His plans for my future are better than my own!

With this said, imagine one more time God's perfect goodness... now let's go live in it! I am praying for you, for I also am trying to overcome myself and depend on God. May He help us all!

Oh Father, you are such an amazing God! Why you love us I have no idea, but I am extremely greatful. I come to you, worthless and helpless, asking you to help me. Help me to do the good I want to do - let your Spirit guide me for I fail miserably on my own. Please take away the feelings of inadequacy and fear as I give my life over to you. Do with me as you will - past, present, and future - heart and soul - I am yours. Thank you for being such a loving God!

"You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas..." -Psalm 65:5

F.R.O.G.G.E.R.

Our God is good! Though I cannot honestly say that I have done much better at remembering to depend on Him in the normalcy of life, I can say that I do not feel as wretched about it as I did last week. Last week, I was really beating myself up because I could not remember to pray the transitions and to think about God constantly throughout the day. Even though I knew that God forgave me every time and was ready to give me yet another chance, I felt so down because I kept needing another chance. I wanted to get it right and to keep getting it right so that I never needed another chance; when I could not do that, I felt like a failure.

This week has been much different, though. God has really changed my perspective. He has changed my perception of Him when I realize I have messed up and that I need another chance. When I turn back to Him, He is not some begrudging father that sighs and says, "Fine, you can have one more chance, but you better not blow it!" No, He has shown me that He is a loving Father who is longing for me to turn back because He wants to give me another chance. He has taken me from feeling like a failure, which I am not, to simply feeling incompetent to perform the task of life, which I am.

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

On my own, I am not competent at all, but because of the Spirit of God in me, I am made competent. I am not a failure because I am not under the letter/law, but under grace. (Rom. 6:14) If I was under the law, I would have failed the first time I messed up; there would be no second chance. However, thanks to my precious Jesus, I have thousands of second chances. This doesn't mean that I can take advantage of those chances because I know they will be there. (Rom. 6:1-2) It simply means that I do not have to feel a continual burden of guilt over the chances that I have blown, and they are many. I am reminded of some lyrics from a song:

"This only serves to confirm my suspicions

That I'm still a man in need of a Savior.

I want to be in the Light

As You are in the Light."

I have blown and continue to blow so many chances that I am still in need of a Savior, but I keep striving to walk in the light, as He is in the light. (1 John 1:7) Only through Him and His power at work in my life do I have any hope at all of walking in that light, but through Him and His power at work in my life, I have all the hope in the world.

God, thank You for Your amazing grace. I am continuing to realize more and more that that is not just a song. Your grace is truly amazing. Thank You for how many undeserved second chances You have given and continue to give to me. Remind me constantly of my desperate need for You in every area of my life. Thank You for Your love. You are an awesome God!

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24

*Porcelain Heart*

Where do I start? I have so much weighing on my heart and so many thoughts running through my head that I'm not sure exactly how to sort through the muddled mess and actually put it to words. I will have to rely on the Spirit...My God to take care of that for me? (ironic isn't it?)

I guess that's really where it all starts. Relying on God to dig through all my mess, make sense of it, and turn it into something glorious...a feat only our God can accomplish. And even further into the heart of it...relying on God to help me rely on Him. This idea is something I've noticed over and over again, especially this week. I cannot depend on my God without his constant help, for apart from Him I can do nothing.

In all honesty though, I find myself, not necessarily trying to but none-the-less, living either without searching for that depending help from God or living without depending on Him at all. It's so hard and, especially for me, can be really discouraging/ disheartening. All too often I discover that I have hindered myself from depending on Him. My selfish desires, impatience, and pride get in the way and in reality cut off that connection. Many times, even after pleading with God to remind me that I need that dependent connection with him, I'll get distracted and forget throughout the course of my day.

So I find myself absentmindedly attempting to handle the normal 'small' things. Like several people I've talked to, I have no problem giving God the big things, because I know without a doubt that I can't handle those on my own. However, the smaller things...I can easily deceive myself into thinking that somehow I can handle those . No biggie right? psh...ya right. Apart from God I can do nothing! And the thing that throws me is why that's even appealing to me. I mean it should be obvious that every time I try to meddle in something that I know won't do any good, especially things like this that the Lord himself can take care of, that the opposite of good usually happens. Anything has the potential to be good...especially where God is concerned...but If I try it myself, it can potentially come out all wrong. And then I can become more discouraged than before; deeper in my problems/ struggles...and what good does that do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. So, after analyzing all this...the root of the matter is obvious. I need my God.

Abba, I ask that you'll constantly remind me how much I need you and the nothingness that I am without you. I need you to help me rely on you to help me depend on you. Father I need you, more than I've ever needed anything...I need you and I plead for your constant help and presence to be with me wherever I am. Give me the strength and patience to set aside myself so you can truly come in and do what only you can do...For apart from you, I can do nothing.

James 4:7-8 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you."

BeastlyOne

I am not depressed! Though this post seems a bit depressing. This experiment is really pushing me. I have come to realize that I hold to a belief system where you think that your main goal in life is to move from difficult to easy. This is the appeal of retirement and the American dream. Thinking this way, your goal is to get your life in some manageable order and then work the system. Continual working of the system will, according to this line of thinking, lead to a nearly trouble-free life. So, basically, that is our goal: to arrive at a trouble-free life. To encourage ourselves along the way, we envision what our "future" trouble-free life will look like. This is what drives us on. By the way, every person has their own definition of "trouble-free". Mine involves no tension in relationships, debt-free living, finding favor in the eyes of all that are in my life, having a constant sense that what I'm doing is pleasing to God and eating whatever I want and never worrying about my health. I largely accept this without giving it much thought. (Despite the fact it seems so irrational when I write it down.)

When trouble comes, my main prayer is for God to remove the trouble. As I mature, I ask God to strengthen me as I experience the trouble. But the focus is still on getting to the other side of the trouble. Because, remember, the good life is the trouble-free life.

The problem with all this is that hardly anyone in the Bible had a life like this. The Bible doesn't tell us how most of the lives ended. But those we know aren't very favorable. John the Baptist, Stephen, and James...all killed. John, Jeremiah, Daniel...all seemed to die in exile. Noah and David seem to be very lonely as they come to the end of their lives, their "glory years" long faded away. Of course there is Elijah and Enoch who don't die, but that's not something to count on and if we knew it was coming we would be tempted to think that our "time had not yet come".

"But what about Jesus?" You ask, "Yes He experienced terrible suffering and died, but He rose, He was vindicated". Yes, but even as He leaves the earth in His ascension, some of His followers that surround Him are still doubting.

What's my point? The repetitive action of all that we're doing is causing me to reflect and question if I am truly dependent on God or do I count on God only to the degree that He leads to me to a "just end". Though we've worked it out intellectually maybe, James 1:2, does not really fit the way we see the world. Yes, I will consider it pure joy, but only because I expect it to lead to a better life. What happens, when the trial stays with you, for a long time? What if the trial isn't necessarily leading you somewhere else? Wasn't this Paul's basic question? (2 Cor. 12:8-9)

Immanuel means, God with us, and that was one of the major accomplishments of Christ: That God was now "with us" in such a unique way during every situation of our lives. He does have plans to prosper me, but did he not have plans to prosper John the Baptist? I think God has a different definition of prosper. The challenge continues because the more dependent I become on Him, the more I realize that this journey is not leading me to an ever-clarifying understanding of His plan. Don't we sing: Please reveal your will for me so I can serve you for eternity? God's will is not for me to have a defined sense of what's next. God's will for me is for me to be totally dependent on Him and accept His lead in all areas. I will gain wisdom, perseverance, joy, peace, etc., but it will not be because I've figured Him out. It will be because I trust Him in the midst of the suffering and disappointment. Not to lead me out, but to be with me in the middle of it, no matter how long it takes even if it takes the rest of my life.

Kristova

Amazing! Our God is truly amazing! I had a realization this last Thursday that really blew me away. No, it’s not some new thing that will totally surprise or shock you; actually you have probably heard it before. In fact, I am sure that I have heard it many times before. However, this experiment has changed my perspective in so many ways that I saw this concept in a whole new light.

We have talked a lot about our dependence on God and how we desire to give him all. There has even been discussion about Praying to God to help us depend on Him. Well, something happened Thursday that leads me to believe this is exactly what God wants.
Twice Thursday I was asked to pray for some people. Two totally different situations; one was in a hospital, and the other was in a College class setting. No big deal right? Sure, even to me it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. I have said 100’s maybe 1,000s of prayers in front of people. Why do these two stick out to me? I don’t know. Perhaps because before each one of these prayers I asked myself what it looked like to be totally dependent while praying for/with these people. All of the sudden I found heaviness on me and nervousness. I felt like it was a huge responsibility to go to God on behalf of these people I was with. So what did I do?

I prayed…

I prayed first (silently and quickly) that God lead my prayer that he help me communicate the right things to him for these people as well as lead them in a communication that would teach and uplift them. How weird! I communicated to God to help me communicate to Him. At first when I thought about it I felt silly. “you prayed for God to Help you pray” I thought “bobby you’re a dork”. While the latter might still be true, why shouldn’t I pray for God to help me pray? I mean honestly we as humans are absolutely dependent on God for any righteousness that comes out of us (Romans 3). Seeing as how the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and affective I want God to be a part of my prayers.

Here’s the thing that really struck me. We are dependent on Him! In absolutely everything. This week I haven’t been able to do anything without seeing that truth. God knows this and I believe He is showing us that not only are we dependent on Him but He gives us the help we need. Romans 8 tells us that God sends His Spirit to us and that He intercedes for us in our prayers with groans that words cannot express. God Himself helps us. We truly are dependent on Him we can’t even communicate to Him without depending on Him to help us do it!

Father we thank you for your unbelievable love; that you so richly bless us by lifting us up and caring for us as we live our lives in sheer dependence.

*Porcelain Heart*

(2-24-08, last weeks blog...a little late I know and I'm sorry. I hope ya'll forgive me.)

Wow...where do i start? God is so good. I've already seen and experienced Him working many times through all this and we've only been doing this for two weeks! I'm so excited and can't wait to see what else God will do during the next five weeks...and even further down the road.

Well, for starters, my week didn't start out so great. I had this huge research paper due Friday and I was going to get a large portion of it done monday, because we had school off. The next thing you know my day is pretty much gone and I've done none of my paper. I look back at my day and realize that I made no efforts to totally depend on my God and let him take care of my day. Instead, I had filled my day with distractions like the computer and T.V..By the time I had reached the end of my day I was a complete wreck. I had already begun to stress about my paper and I had the whole week ahead of me.

Before you know it I find myself in my mothers arms at the feet of our Father. Together, we did what I should have been doing all day. (It's amazing how God uses other people to help us refocus.) We gave it to God...told him that I couldn't do this alone, without Him. It was out of my control...that was obvious...and it was all him.

Throughout last week a couple of my transitions consisted of: 'Thank you Abba for the answers you will provide' -referring to my paper trusting that he would help me- and 'Help me to keep an optimistic outlook' -knowing that even though I tend to be rather pecimistic I had the choice to which perspective I would view a situation with, including this one.

Looking back on that week It was definately apparent that God was working. Wouldn't you know that my paper came together smoothly even after the rough start, and I had remotely no stress the rest of the week? In fact, this was the first paper, if I remember correctly, that I have written with relatively no stress, rather I had this unexplainable peace that was with me. Also, through out all this somehow I had an overall positive attitude/perspective. The only explanation is God. I give him the glory. Isn't our God amazing?

Father, I thank you so much for being with me through this, however small it may be, and giving me a glimpse of you, your awesome power, and your love. I ask that you continue to walk with me and guide me as I strive to become more dependant on you.

Philippians 2:13
"...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Augustine

This week, like all weeks, has had both its ups and downs. It seems like there has been more downs than ups. I'll be honest with this; it's not an easy task. It isn't that I don't want to be more dependent on God; quite the contrary. I desperately wish to give my entire life to him, but when push comes to shove, giving it all to God seems so vague, so dangerous, so careless. Doubt and fear seems to rule over every action. How am I supposed to know he will follow through with his promises? What if I fail? What if it all fouls up in my face and I am left there looking utterly ridiculous? I guess these have always been there; I've just mistaken them for common sense and self-preservation. I am quite weak. I'll admit that right now. And I don't mean that in a very broad and humble-in-front-of-others sort of vein. I can't do it on my own. I don't know where to start or what it looks like or if it is even possible. Everyone thinks that taking a leap of faith is very noble and grand. In reality it is terrifying. I guess that's one aspect of faith. It's the only thing you've got when all of your arguments and theories unravel in front of you. When you cannot stand on your own merit, but when you are hanging by thin rope that you are clinging to for dear life. I think this is where Jesus was when he was in Gethsemane. This isn't a long entry for me, but I'll end with a passage that speaks to me so much, taken from the time directly after Elijah had called fire from heaven at Mount Carmel:

" And the word of the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

- I Kings 19:9-10