BeastlyOne

I am not depressed! Though this post seems a bit depressing. This experiment is really pushing me. I have come to realize that I hold to a belief system where you think that your main goal in life is to move from difficult to easy. This is the appeal of retirement and the American dream. Thinking this way, your goal is to get your life in some manageable order and then work the system. Continual working of the system will, according to this line of thinking, lead to a nearly trouble-free life. So, basically, that is our goal: to arrive at a trouble-free life. To encourage ourselves along the way, we envision what our "future" trouble-free life will look like. This is what drives us on. By the way, every person has their own definition of "trouble-free". Mine involves no tension in relationships, debt-free living, finding favor in the eyes of all that are in my life, having a constant sense that what I'm doing is pleasing to God and eating whatever I want and never worrying about my health. I largely accept this without giving it much thought. (Despite the fact it seems so irrational when I write it down.)

When trouble comes, my main prayer is for God to remove the trouble. As I mature, I ask God to strengthen me as I experience the trouble. But the focus is still on getting to the other side of the trouble. Because, remember, the good life is the trouble-free life.

The problem with all this is that hardly anyone in the Bible had a life like this. The Bible doesn't tell us how most of the lives ended. But those we know aren't very favorable. John the Baptist, Stephen, and James...all killed. John, Jeremiah, Daniel...all seemed to die in exile. Noah and David seem to be very lonely as they come to the end of their lives, their "glory years" long faded away. Of course there is Elijah and Enoch who don't die, but that's not something to count on and if we knew it was coming we would be tempted to think that our "time had not yet come".

"But what about Jesus?" You ask, "Yes He experienced terrible suffering and died, but He rose, He was vindicated". Yes, but even as He leaves the earth in His ascension, some of His followers that surround Him are still doubting.

What's my point? The repetitive action of all that we're doing is causing me to reflect and question if I am truly dependent on God or do I count on God only to the degree that He leads to me to a "just end". Though we've worked it out intellectually maybe, James 1:2, does not really fit the way we see the world. Yes, I will consider it pure joy, but only because I expect it to lead to a better life. What happens, when the trial stays with you, for a long time? What if the trial isn't necessarily leading you somewhere else? Wasn't this Paul's basic question? (2 Cor. 12:8-9)

Immanuel means, God with us, and that was one of the major accomplishments of Christ: That God was now "with us" in such a unique way during every situation of our lives. He does have plans to prosper me, but did he not have plans to prosper John the Baptist? I think God has a different definition of prosper. The challenge continues because the more dependent I become on Him, the more I realize that this journey is not leading me to an ever-clarifying understanding of His plan. Don't we sing: Please reveal your will for me so I can serve you for eternity? God's will is not for me to have a defined sense of what's next. God's will for me is for me to be totally dependent on Him and accept His lead in all areas. I will gain wisdom, perseverance, joy, peace, etc., but it will not be because I've figured Him out. It will be because I trust Him in the midst of the suffering and disappointment. Not to lead me out, but to be with me in the middle of it, no matter how long it takes even if it takes the rest of my life.